I recently went on an OKCupid first date with a 32 year old named Alex. He appeared semi-geeky in pictures, but the emails he sent me were well written and sincere so I thought I’d give it a shot. We met under the Sunnyside arch in Queens. I thought we’d just go for a drink, but he suggested dinner at a Thai place near by.
I’m going to interject here for a minute — I mention in my profile that I recently quit my job, so he was aware that I was unemployed. He was also aware that to make money, I sublet my Upper West Side apartment and was crashing with friends in Queens.
So we get dinner. He’s very socially awkward. But I always make it a point to be friendly, smile, nod a lot, and try my best to have a good time — even when I’d rather leap out of my chair and run from the table, possibly downing alcohol as I go. He is a painfully slow eater but finally finishes (he insists on finishing everything on his plate, due to some sort of Buddhist enlightening that he had as a teenager – note, I’m all for Buddhism, just not people who pick and choose random aspects of religion they find “cool”).
The bill comes. He looks at it and then says: “Are you any good at math? Let me know how much I owe.” The entire bill is $30 and our entrees were the same amount. I’m not sure whether I’m more disturbed that he can’t do basic math, or that he didn’t offer to pay. Note – I do not think men should always pay the bill on a first date. I have certain qualifiers, which perhaps I’ll go into at a later date.
We leave the restaurant and as we begin walking, he tries to figure out a way to ask if I want to grab a beer (remember, socially awkward, so there’s a lot of “I try to make the most out of a first date…mumblemumble…”). Before he can figure out a way to verbalize his desire, I lie and tell him I have a very early morning. He still insists on walking me most of the way home.
We’re at the corner where he’s going to split off toward his apartment. “So, can I call you sometime?” I absolutely hate it when guys ask for the second date ON the first date. I don’t ever have it in me to say no (which I realize is not helpful). “Sure, ok.” I then quickly preempt the kiss attempt leaning in to give him a hug. He aggressively goes in for a kiss. I aggressively turn my cheek. Then turn it more. Does he not understand the turned cheek? You’d think at this point in my life, I’d have figured out how to avoid the unwanted kiss attempt.
The date was on a Monday. He calls on Wednesday. I don’t pick up. He doesn’t leave a message. He calls again later that day. Again I don’t pick up, and again no message. Then, I get the emails…
November 9, 2011
I tried to call just now, but you didn’t answer, and I’m not big on voicemail, so…
I enjoyed getting to know you a little on Monday. Besides being adorable, you’re sharp, and you seem honest — and maybe even a little cynical, which is terrific. So I’d love a chance to get to know you a little better.
We didn’t talk about movies at all (as I recall), so I’m not sure about your tastes, but I kind of want to see “Martha Marcy May Marlene” (if that’s what it’s called). Any interest? Maybe this weekend?
Hope to hear from you,
P.S. If you don’t see me as relationship material, that’s OK — but would you like to maybe fool around a little? I’m sort of interested in an objective, critical assessment of my oral technique, and would love to enlist your help (as a friend, you understand). What do you think? We are neighbors, after all. It could be fun!
November 11, 2011 at 9:11 AM
This does not strike me as very blunt.
If you’re not into me, that’s great — but why not? Clearly I was not, in person, what you thought I might be based on my profile. But how so? I’d like to know, so that I might better represent myself online in the future. (It’s certainly not my goal to mislead anyone, you understand.)
I’m not asking for much. Here are some examples of possible responses –
“I don’t date nerds.”
“I lost all interest when you showed up buzzed.”
“You’re too damn short.”
“I just wasn’t feeling it.”
“We had no chemistry.”
Please, be blunt. At this point it’s narcissistic to be anything but. And as far as my feelings go — well, I really don’t give a damn.
November 11, 2011 at 11:25 PM
We’re cool — over and out.